Last month, I had the honor of traveling to London for work. The executive leadership team was meeting, and a couple of non-executive team members were in attendance to provide support. On the first day of the meeting, I sat down at the table, pulled out my laptop and prepared to take notes as I do at all the meetings I attend. My boss came over to me and told me that notes would not be necessary and would be more of a distraction. Annoyed, I closed my laptop and thought why did she have me travel across an entire ocean if I was just supposed to sit in the room and listen? After about 10 minutes when my attitude subsided, it occurred to me that I could participate in these meetings. Though I was not a member of the executive team, I could be a part of the discussion.

         As I reflected on my time in London, I realized that I am still dealing with the very real effects of being in environments where I was not valued, particularly work environments. I worked as executive assistant in a law firm here in Brooklyn from 2018-2020. In my role, I was the receptionist as well as the executive assistant to the founding attorney.  Though I learned a lot in my time there and have been able to use the skills that I acquired in my career, the work environment left me with the belief that I had nothing worth saying. There was no room for growth in the company and through various conversations it was clear that those in leadership did not see staff that were not attorneys as staff that had value.  Even though I know that my worth is not based on my job title, I realized that I had internalized this belief. 

         Here I was with an amazing opportunity to be a part of discussions that have the potential to shape an organization, and because of my limited belief in myself I was willing to lose this opportunity because I felt unsure of myself. It made me think how many times do we talk ourselves out of opportunities before we’ve even started?  Sometimes we can get so attached to our roles that we miss the chance to grow. We have begun to believe the lie that this is the box that we fit in and any time that we might be forced to fit outside that box, it makes us feel nervous. Scared. Will I say the wrong thing? What if I don’t say enough? What if I don’t understand what’s being said? All these questions and doubts; but the only way to grow is to fight through the discomfort. To push through your doubts. I fully believe that in these moments we need to remind ourselves that I am in this position for a reason. There is something that only I can bring. By trying to stay small, we rob the world of the true version of us, and that is something that the world desperately needs. For you to be you.

         Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally despite achieving success externally. It causes many of us to feel as though we are frauds. Imposter syndrome is said to affect more women than men (or maybe women are more honest). I realize that I do suffer from this more often that I would like to admit. It doesn’t help the fact that I am a Black woman, I look young for my age, and my nature is to be quiet. All factors that society has deemed to be less than. To anyone who finds themselves doubting themselves, I want to remind you that you have every right to be in the spaces that you occupy. No one is giving you anything that do you not deserve or have not worked for. That doubt that you’re feeling is just your mind’s way of trying to protect you from what is a new experience, but you must remind yourself that you are amazing and worthy to sit at the table.  Your words hold value, and your thoughts are worth being said.