It was during the pandemic that I discovered I had a mild and somewhat controllable addiction to shopping. I love shopping. I love clothes. I love accessories. I love jewelry. I even love grocery shopping. I used to live for back to school because it meant shopping. It’s often a pastime that I share with my family. I love the thrill of the search and expressing myself through my appearance. I’m a quiet person at heart and often use my appearance to reflect who I am to the world. I’ve been told that my style is elegant, intentional, and unique.

         In 2020, as I watched the world around me fall into chaos and I could no longer freely shop in stores, I started online shopping. Having packages to look forward to, gave me hope and I knew it would mean I would at least get to speak in person to my building’s staff downstairs. I started buying both practical and impractical pieces in hopes that things would one day go back to normal. I was never in debt because of my shopping, because I had extra income since we were in quarantine.

         This habit continued after the pandemic, but I watched it get worse last year. I work for an INGO(international non-governmental organization) named Alight that provides services and support to displaced communities both in the US and globally. As the Trump Administration slashed humanitarian aid in January 2024, thousands of individuals, including myself, were plunged into uncertainty. To remain solvent, my organization had to implement several restructuring tactics including reducing staff hours. For two months, I worked part-time hours and if it were not for the generosity of loved ones, I would not have been able to survive. I cut several expenses during this time, including my shopping habit; until my hours were restored.

         And that is when the cart fell off the wheels.

         I suddenly found myself shopping constantly. I had seen an ad for Klarna and remembered that it was an option and let’s just say I might have bought an additional wardrobe last year. I told myself that I was curating a closet. It’s funny(and true), but because of inflation, my disposable income is smaller. But the world is still falling apart and again I find myself in a position where I could be laid off from my job. Below are 6 changes that I have adopted over the past few months to help me curb my shopping.

1. Just because it is on sale, doesn’t mean you need it: This is a big one. Retailers know that putting items on sale makes customers feel like it’s a better buy, and with this impulse buy you are more likely to browse and buy more options. But if I didn’t need it before it was on sale, I don’t need it now.
2. Do I already own this: I am learning that I have a particular style and once I find something in a certain style or color, I will keep buying it. But then you end up with several of the same pieces and somehow never wear any of them. If you already own 2 of the same items outside of like basics and necessities, you probably don’t need another one.
3. I’ve become even pickier: People have always told me that I am picky and while I don’t necessarily agree, I know what I like and what I’m looking for. I’ve started truly paying more attention to the fabrics my clothing is made of, the mission, and transparency of a company.
4. I don’t hit checkout right away: If I’m browsing online, I leave the items in the cart for a day or two and if I thought about them then I purchase them. If I didn’t remember, I know that it’s something I do not really like. I deny my impulse because sometimes it’s more about the act of shopping than the actual purchase.
5. I started reimagining my current items in new ways: I was browsing online one day and saw someone had encouraging vinyl stickers on their mirror and I thought oh this is so cute; I want to do it! So, I had in my Amazon cart these stickers, until I was clearing my saved items and stopped to measure my mirror and realized it wouldn’t fit. But I still wanted stickers on my mirror. I then realized that the collection of stickers I had on my desk that I kept moving but not using could be placed around my apartment. It’s like I thought my place had to look so grown up that it couldn’t reflect who I truly am, and I am a grown woman that loves stickers. Always have.
6. Life is hard; we all deserve grace:  Sometimes I don’t have the energy to cook and I buy all my meals for a couple of days. Or I allow for the impulse buy from the adorable little bookstore, I told myself I was just going to browse. I give myself grace. Responsible grace. I resist the urge to charge the Prada bag I’ve been eyeing, because if I can’t afford I outright then I can’t afford it. Yet.

The truth is that the world is heavy. We are constantly caught between the tension of sorrow and joy. And most days, sorrow wins. But I know that my financial health is more important than my need to shop. I also know I have enough. I keep giving away clothes and my apartment is still filled to the brim. I need to focus on creating my style from what I have, not so much what I think I need. I keep track of items that need to be replaced, and as I budget, I make allowances for these purchases. Feeling more in control of my money helps me to feel slightly less anxious. I might not be able to control the dumpster fire that is our world, but I can control what I spend in it.