I have been single (officially) for almost a decade. I have not been on a date in over two years and have spent the past year almost completely isolated in that I have not met anyone or entertained anyone in a romantic capacity. And while there are many days when this solitude can feel like a burden, there are also many ways in which it is a blessing. If you find yourself alone or single this Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share some of the lessons I learned from a full year of solitude.

1. I learned to hear God’s voice: The truth is I had been ignoring the small voice inside telling me that I needed to be alone and focus on myself. Being alone is scary. It’s terrifying to be alone with your thoughts and your emotions because you begin to see the areas in which you need some healing. This past year was rough, and it was rough in part because I was so isolated and because I had no one there to distract me. We often use dating as a distraction from the rest of our lives. Without any other voices in my ear, I was able to learn and discern God’s voice in my life.
2. I learned who I am: Without anyone there to distract me or influence me, I learned who I was. I remembered that I have always loved a good cup of flavored coffee. I learned that I love super old musicals. I learned ways in which I can calm myself down. I discovered new parts of me that I don’t think I would have learned if I hadn’t been alone. We are influenced by the company we keep and while community is a necessity for humans, you can’t know who you are if people keep telling you who you are.

1. I learned to love my own company: Now I am an introvert and lose tremendous energy being around other people, so being alone is never an issue for me. However, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I have learned to love my own company and have stopped waiting for other people to live my life. So go to that museum that you’ve been meaning to visit or go and find your new favorite coffee shop. We only have this one life to live, go live it.
2. I can teach someone how to love me: As I’ve gotten older, I realized that we don’t teach people how to love. We automatically assume that everyone will know how to love and how to be loved. You cannot teach someone how to love you when you don’t know how to love you. I am now in a place where I know myself enough, I know my purpose, my interests, my likes, my dislikes, my desires, my turn-ons, etc. I can explain myself to someone else.  

The truth is, the older I get the rougher Valentine’s Day becomes for me because as much as I love myself and my company I do desire love. The two things can coexist at the same time.  I am happy that I get to decide what love looks like for me and even happier that I have this time to myself. For myself. I wish you a wonderful day filled with love whatever that looks like for you in this season!