I was recently in a room on Clubhouse entitled “How to Find Your Soulmate in 7 Questions.” And the premise of the room was that they would choose both men and women to ask selected participants 7 questions that would help screen out potential dates. The first woman who was chosen, asked the men basic questions such as their height, and personal questions like if they enjoyed being choked during sex. It was funny, and light-hearted, but it made me think could there be 7 questions to help you screen potential matches?

            Online dating especially now during the pandemic is one of the primary ways to meet a new love-interest. There’s even a new term to describe our dating patterns over the past year, “slow-dating”. Dating sites such as Bumble are seeing more matches take longer to move things offline due to Covid-19 restrictions and fear of potential spread. But it’s also helping people to get to know their matches on a deeper level, and decide if this is even someone worth meeting in person. 

            Last year, I dipped my toes back in the world of online dating and even met a couple of people in person that I did connect with, but we were ultimately looking for different things. Inspired by Clubhouse here are 7 questions I think can help you find your potential soulmate. These questions can be applied to either sex, and are not gender-specific. These aren’t light questions such as height or your favorite color, but deep questions that hopefully inspire truthful conversations. 

1. How did you heal from your last heartbreak:We all go through heartbreak, but it’s how we repair the damage that is important.  This question helps you to determine if they 1) have done the work to get over any past relationships and 2) helps you to find out how they deal with emotional issues. Do they bury their pain and not handle it? Do they blame the other person? Have they even thought about how their potential heartbreaks will affect their next relationship? This answer can determine if this is someone even worth investing in, because if they haven’t done the necessary work you could potentially end up carrying that baggage. 
2. Who are your personal board of advisors: This is an important question, because it helps you to see if they live their life in a bubble and who they have around them. We are only as good as the people around us, so it’s important to know who they gain insight from, who is supporting them, and if they are the type of person who can listen to advice and counsel. 
3. What do you envision for your life:This question helps to find out if you are both on the same page. You can meet the most amazing person, but if they envision a life spent traveling or devoted to their musical career and you envision a life spent creating a family and a home, this might not be the person for you. And that’s ok, but finding out this truth before you’ve invested time will save you both from potential heartbreak.

4. What brings you joy: We should all have something that brings us joy. Whether it’s exercising, cooking, or our family. This helps you to get to know what they are passionate about and if you have any interests that you might share. 

5.What is one of your happiest memories: This is another question that helps you to find out what they are passionate about. I know for me many of my happiest memories include my family and my friends, but I’ve dated quite a few people who were not close to their families and I can attest that it turns into a problem over time. 

6.What does sex mean to you: While no relationship should be built on sex, it is important to understand how this potential mate views sex. For some people, it’s a very sacred act only committed in the confines of a marriage, and for other people they enjoy having sex with a partner that they feel comfortable with regardless of titles. Even if you’re not having sex, opening the door for this discussion is important to have so both know where you stand. 

7.What’s your biggest fear: I like this question because it tells you a little bit about how deeply the person has met themselves. The answer could be something simple such as spiders or heights or something deep like not being successful or being a disappointment to their family. But it really opens the door to a deeper level of communication if the person allows it. 

The beauty of asking these questions of someone else, is that you also should ask yourself. Maybe you’ll find that you don’t know what you envision for your life? Or maybe you haven’t gotten over your ex and need to take some time to invest in yourself before you invest in someone else. We cannot expect someone to be something that we are not. I hope these questions allow you to meet someone on a deeper level, even if that person is yourself!