For those of you who are not in the know, a couple of weeks ago musical artist August Alsina revealed to the world that he had an affair with actress Jada Pinkett-Smith, who is married to actor Will Smith. August Alsina said that Will Smith gave his blessing to the affair, and noted that he had real feelings for Jada while they were together. Over the weekend, Jada and Will Smith went on Jada’s show the Red Table Talk to set the record straight. The conversation was painful and awkward at best. And while it gave us a slew of new memes, it also gave us some valuable lessons about love.

1. Do Not Date Out of Pain:

August Alsina was a friend of Will and Jada’s son, Jaden. During the period when Jada & August became involved, he was going through a lot of personal problems. Members of his family had died and both Will & Jada admitted that he was broken and that they were helping him to get counseling and to heal. This was also during a time in Will & Jada’s marriage when they separated because Jada herself was going through internal issues and had to come to the realization that Will was not responsible for her happiness. August was looking for comfort, and Jada was looking for herself. In this pain, they found each other, and what happened, in the end, is that August was left as hurt if not more so than when he started. Dating when you not in a good place mentally and emotionally will only lead you to attract people who are as broken as you are or you will break someone else. Hurt people hurt others. Jada who was coming from a better place should have protected August not taken advantage of someone who is significantly younger than her and looking for solace.

2. No one is responsible for your happiness but you:

Jada and Will separated because she was dealing with her own personal issues. During their conversation, she noted that it had been a long time since she had felt good. It’s not your significant other’s job to make you feel good. Yes, there are ways that they can show you they care and that they love you and those will make you feel good. But if you are broken on the inside, no one can fix that but you. It’s unfair to expect someone to fix what they didn’t break.  So many people date and get married hoping that the broken pieces of them will be made whole, only to realize that the love they thought would be the cure only makes things worse. Our intimate relationships become mirrors to the pieces of you that need to be fixed. If you need help, find a therapist, not a partner.

3. Let’s Stop Glorifying Struggle Love :

During the conversation, Will & Jada used a line from his movie Bad Boys, “We ride together, we die together. Bad marriage for life.” The conversation between them was hard to watch. Will looked extremely uncomfortable and mentioned that he would get her back for what she had done. All marriages and relationships are hard. They take time and effort. But if this is what society has deemed #relationshipgoals then I’m good being single. Especially in the Black community, we must stop glorifying these relationships which are toxic. Yes, it is admirable for couples to work through the hard times but not every relationship that you are in is worth saving. I understand that it is not easy to just dissolve a marriage, and I’m not suggesting that’s what is necessary here but let’s not celebrate bad marriages for life. It also goes to show that all the couples we see on social media and look up to without knowing the ins and outs of their relationships are not relationship goals. We have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors.

I wish Will & Jada the best. I hope that they can work through things and find a relationship that works best for them and for their family.