Happy Summer! I hope wherever this post finds you, you are doing well and having a marvelous start to your summer! Summer has always been one of my favorite seasons, for no other reason than I get to celebrate my birthday!! So, in honor of my birthday this month, I would like to share 5 life lessons that I have learned over this past year with the hopes that you can learn these lessons too.
- I am capable of doing scary things: Earlier this year, I shared that I had the opportunity to travel to East Africa for work. It was a last-minute trip and because of this I couldn’t do my normal pre-trip prep and research. It really was a step of faith for me, which was terrifying. The trip was great and allowed me to see how God’s timing always works in my favor, but in the moment all I felt was fear and anxiety. It’s funny how life is lived forward but understood backwards because I didn’t realize just how much this trip and the experience helped me to grow. I now know that I can do scary things and can take more leaps into the unknown. What is preventing you from taking that next big step?
- We all grow at different paces: As excited as I am to celebrate this birthday, the truth is this is the first year where I am beginning to feel self-conscious about revealing my age. I’m turning 35, and while I don’t think I look 35(I hope!) I am more aware that certain milestones that I thought I would have achieved by now feel less attainable with each year that passes; particularly starting a family of my own. I’ve been working with my therapist on this, and she helped me to see that even though I might be close to my friends, we’re not walking on the same path. We might be walking next to each other, but our paths and our growth are different. It can be painful to see people living in the dreams that you want for yourself, but we all have different lives to live. The fruit that I am hoping to bear might not be visible yet, but it doesn’t mean that I am not growing. In what ways have you grown?
- I have learned to love my own company: My weekend starts off with a ritual each Friday. I close my laptop. Take a shower, order some food, have some libations, watch several movies, and spend time with myself either journaling or writing. I found that this is the best way for me to decompress from work and prepare myself for the weekend. What I didn’t expect is how much I would love it! I have found myself protecting my Fridays not wanting to miss this time with myself and then it dawned on me that I love my own company. In a world that tells us that we need love and companionship; it can be hard to feel whole alone. But a relationship should not be a crutch that relieves you of your loneliness. It should be something that enhances the life you already have. Do you enjoy spending time with yourself?
- Healing happens in community: I know I just shared how much I love my own company(and I do!). But the truth is we were made to be social and thrive in community. Isolation breeds a lot of issues such as self-doubt, anger, resentment, and depression. As much as I love my alone time, I have also seen the ways in which God has provided community in my life and how enriching that has been. This is probably one of the areas in my life that I need to dive a little deeper, but I am trying to be more active at my church and get back into volunteering. Healing does happen in isolation and is often necessary, but full healing happens in community. Who is a part of your tribe?
- I deserve to take up space: I went on a retreat in April to Tucson and one of the activities I signed up for at the hotel was an Equine Experience where you led a horse using your body language. I have always loved horses(went to horse camp as a kid), so I was excited to see what this experience would be. When it was my turn to guide the horse, she started moving and then stopped. The trainer noted that my body language was not confident, I seemed unsure, and the horse was picking up on that. He told me to take some deep breaths and relax my stance and after these adjustments I was able to guide her. I was reminded that day that I have a difficulty taking up space. I often make myself smaller and less noticeable in certain spaces because I do not feel comfortable or do not want to draw more attention to myself. As a Black woman navigating the world, I’m sure this is my defense mechanism, but it serves no one. Certainly not me. I deserve to take up space and am doing the world a disservice by hiding who I am. This life lesson has become an affirmation that I say to myself daily, to remind myself of who I am. How are you taking up space?
I can honestly say that I think this past year of my life has been one of the best ones. I’ve seen myself grow in ways that I didn’t even know I needed, but I am proud of myself and the woman that I am becoming. One of the reasons that I love my birthday(besides presents!), is that is allows me the chance to stop and reflect on the past year while also allowing me to dream for the next year. By taking the time to answer these questions you are setting yourself up to become the best version of you! Have a wonderful summer!