Coronavirus Diaries: Dealing with Loss

For the next week weeks, I will be doing a series entitled Coronavirus Diaries. I will be sharing thoughts and news related to COVID19. This week’s post is dedicated to loss from the virus.

 

It feels like everything stopped suddenly. Here in NYC, in the span of a week I was told to work from home, schools closed, and our way of life was completely upended. At first, the adjustment for me wasn’t so drastic. I’m an introvert and often spend quite a bit of my free time at home recovering from having to be social during the week. But it’s been almost 4 weeks that I’ve been in my apartment, only leaving to get food and I am beginning to feel a little stir crazy now.

Exactly one week ago, I lost my Grandfather to the coronavirus. His health had been declining for some time, so it wasn’t as shocking as it was sudden. I never got to say goodbye and that will haunt me until the day that I die. Also because of the coronavirus, I was not able to attend the funeral and pay my respects. While I could view the funeral with the rest of my family who could also not attend, it still doesn’t change the fact that the coronavirus has not only taken lives from us but everything that we hold dear.

Due to this loss, last week was a very difficult week. I’m in my apartment alone and I am grateful for my friends that came over when I told them the news. No questions asked, no concern for the virus just I’ll be over there. I only took off one day from work and I should have taken off more but at this time it’s not something that I am able to do. I’m angry that my grandfather died from this. Something that could have been prevented, if we lived in a society where people can afford to take off from work. Or if our federal and state governments took this health crisis seriously. Thousands of lives have been lost and still some countries and states are not taking emergency measures to stop it’s spread.

As I’ve been grappling with the loss of my Grandfather, it occurred to me that I’ve never lived in a world where my Grandparents did not exist. It’s crazy that our parents and grandparents know what life is like without us, but as a child, you don’t know what life is like without them. As a Christian, I know absent from the body is present with the Lord but that doesn’t make the loss any less painful. I’ve always hated when people say that because yes I know they’re in a better place but that doesn’t mean I don’t still want them here with me.

There are thousands of families who have lost loved ones and didn’t get to say goodbye. I wish I had more kind words to say other than I am so sorry for your loss. Whatever pain and emotions you are feeling are valid. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be sad. As the world continues to understand and fight against this virus, what’s most important is that we continue to come together as one people. I know staying home is difficult, but if you knew that by going out you would kill someone else would you still go? We have the power to change our future, please don’t let the loss from the coronavirus make us forget that power.

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