For those who don’t know, in Hip-Hop culture there is a term of endearment known as the “ride or die”. The ride or die chick as it is commonly referred to is the type of woman who will stay with you no matter the cost. This type of woman is glorified. Rappers say they want a ride or die, someone who is loyal only to them. Women say that they are a ride or die, willing to put their partner’s needs above their own.  But what does it mean to be a ride or die? Where are we going? Why is there a possibility that I might die along the way? What exactly am I signing up for?

Many women who have been ride or die, can attest that it entails being degraded, disrespected, lied to, abused, and traumatized. The road to recovery is long and usually the type of man that is looking for a ride or die can offer you maybe two things and one of those usually doesn’t last that long. So, the question becomes why do we as women put up with this? The answer is multi-layered, but I think it starts in childhood.

How many of us were told by our families that a boy is teasing us because he likes us? And even though they were right, for the most part, this creates this idea in our heads that love and attention is uncomfortable, even painfully so. So, we grow up believing that the more dysfunctional a relationship the higher the level of love from our partner. It’s not until we learn that love is many things, but dysfunctional and painful are not two of those things that we begin to distance ourselves from this notion.

I remember once one of my exes was having a breakdown ,as he normally did, and I was tired. He really said to me that I should love him through it. I was too tired and worn down to argue so I just said ok. And even though it sounds like a beautiful statement to love someone through their lowest moments, it’s not. Yes, love is sacrificial, but at what point does the sacrifice turn into abuse whether physically, mentally, or emotionally? The answer might be different for everyone, but I would argue that once your mental health starts to deteriorate or when the relationship is more of a burden than a joy it’s time to go. Most people who are abusive know that they are and know how to manipulate the situation to make you stay.

If you truly love someone, you would step aside to work on yourself until you are in a place that allows you to be the best version of yourself in your relationship. We have to stop believing that relationships can fix us. If you are broken, you will be broken in the relationship and then break me in the process. No Sir.  It is not my job to fix anyone, but myself.  I guess that means I’m not a ride or die chick, but honestly I would rather walk and live.