Last week, I was having a conversation about dating with my coworker and the topic of “needing a man” came up. As a strong, proud woman I was quick to say I don’t need a man, I want a man. My coworker, a man, responded that he needs a woman to fulfill certain parts of his life story and that being with the right woman would be an added strength to his life. His response made me pause because I do believe in the right relationships having the ability to push you further in life. But I had never thought that it meant I needed a man.

I am a strong woman and I take pride in that. I live alone, I work, and pay my bills. I don’t need a man to take care of me. But I think we have been conditioned to believe that a need can only come from a place of lack; but that’s not true. I need to eat food to survive, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have food. In terms of a relationship, your needs don’t always have to mean that you are lacking in some area. I need a man to procreate, that’s a fact but I also need a man because I am human and need that level of intimacy in my life but just because I need that doesn’t mean that I am lacking in that area.

The idea of a partner helping you to fulfill a calling on your life is something that I do believe in. You should love your significant other, but I don’t believe that that’s all your relationship should bring into your life. How is this person helping me to grow? What will we accomplish together that I could not accomplish alone?  In what areas do they push me and how do I push them? What generational curses are we breaking together? There are certain issues that I know I can only deal with while in a relationship. I can work on myself up to a certain point, but the right partner is needed to take me to that next level.

So I guess I do need a man. But not any man, the right man for me. Someone who will understand that yes, our love is important, but our relationship is bigger than just us. From a child, I always valued being independent even while dreaming of my wedding day. I still value my independence, but admitting that my need for companionship doesn’t make me weak; it makes me strong.