A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking to my mom when she started telling me how she wanted me to find my husband and settle down and start a family. She said at my age (28) she was already married and had me. This is true but it was also 1989 and times have changed. My grandfather on countless occasions has reminded me how he wants me to be married. I went to Thailand in September with one of my best friends. We needed vaccinations for this trip and my best friend’s mother reminded her she will be planning a family soon and she needs to be mindful of how the vaccines will affect her unborn, un-fertilized children. I know they mean well but it’s still interesting how in this day and age, the idea of being married and settled down at a certain age is what is still expected especially if you’re a millennial and you’re talking to an older generation.
I turned 28 in July and my Facebook feed is filled with babies and weddings and it’s beautiful. It’s also not what I want for my life right now. When I was younger, I did think I would be married and planning a family at this age but now that I’m here, I realize I’m not ready! I was in a serious relationship and we were talking marriage but my relationship ended (which is a blessing) and I realize there is so much more life I want to live before I have a family. I just moved into my first apartment this past Spring and at times it can be lonely but it’s also amazing! It’s just me, I can decorate how I want. I can cook or have wine for my dinner. I can stay in bed and watch Netflix for an entire day. You lose so much when you have a family. Independence, money, and time. And I know you gain so much and I hope to one day have a family waiting for me at the end of the day. But I’m not ready and I’m ok not being ready. It’s funny how you can plan your life and your life never goes according to those plans. At first, you’re angry but usually it’s for the best. I see now, that being single is not a curse. It’s a blessing.
One of my best friend’s had a baby in August and at her shower, someone we went to high school with turned to me and my other best friend and said “when will it be the two of you?” We were both shocked because the last time I checked the only people other than myself who should be worried about my uterus are my gynecologist and my partner. Since this man was neither, you should never ask someone a question so deeply personal. I know Chrissy Teigen said that you never know the reproductive battles that someone is fighting and I agree. We need to stop defining a life well lived by the families we create. A family can look like so many different combinations of people.
When that day comes when I start a family, I want to be as ready as one can possibly be. That means financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I know too many people who had children before they were ready and it makes a complicated situation that much harder.
I had a boyfriend for all four years of college. I have been dating on and off since then. But this time, right now, is for me. I can do and go wherever I want to go. And I plan to do just that! I do hope to one day travel and live life with a plus one, and then maybe a plus 3 or 4. But to my family. I am ok with just me. My uterus will have to accept being empty for a few more years. But in place of a family of my own, I will fill it with my family and my friends (old and new), travel to exciting places, amazing food, and working to better myself every day. That sounds pretty full to me.